Baltimore, Pt 2 (The Part Nobody Wants to Talk About)

Like a lot of people, I watched the coverage of the riots in Baltimore (thankfully things have calmed down some).  The coverage was practically wall-to-wall, with an assortment of experts opining on the police, civil rights, spinal cord injuries, the poor, prosecutorial overreach, jobs, the lack of jobs, racism and American imperialism for starters.  I'm pretty sure the producers of these shows are quite busy trying to come up with new angles for this story and tracking down people to provide their expertise--which is more opinion than anything else. That's the nature of the 24-hour news business. It's how they attract and keep viewers, after all, who wants to miss the "latest development" or "breaking news"?

Despite all the coverage, I've only seen a handful of people that actually add anything new to the story. For the most part, the coverage has been a regurgitation of frenzied rioters, protesters (who are alternately angry or jubilant) carrying various signs emblazoned with messages such as "black lives matter," "stop killing black people," and  "Justice for Freddie Gray."  Rounding things out are the
community activists and community organizers (who always appeal for more federal funding) and the politicians who simply want the people to know that they are fighting for them.

In part one of this post, I talked about Toya Graham and her son Michael Singleton and how the love she has for him made a difference in how he responded to her. I talked about what real love is, its importance in our lives and how a void is created in its absence. There's a huge void that's being filled with anger, angst, rebellion, drugs and criminal activity. For many, this void was created when fathers refused to love their children enough to raise them.

What's love got to do with it?
We all know the statistics--72% or black children are born out-of-wedlock. According to the 2012 U.S. Census, single black mothers heading households with children under the age of 18, have the highest rate of poverty in America at 47.5%.  The poverty rate for black married couples is 8.4%. When we talk about poverty in black communities, this is the starting point, not the government, not a racist system, but men who have abandoned their children.  Poverty is not the only fallout. Unfortunately, children born out-of-wedlock and raised without their fathers are more likely than children from two-parent homes (regardless of income) to have behavior disorders, abuse drugs, go to jail/prison, be sexually abused, drop out of school, join gangs, live in a high crime area and be at a higher risk for committing suicide, among a litany of other problems.

Fatherlessness is the big elephant in the room. The death of Freddie Gray is tragic.  The questions as to what exactly happened are yet to be answered, but they will be. From news reports, it's easy to see that Freddie Gray made some poor lifestyle choices.  But if you surf the net a bit, what's also clear is that Freddie Gray's life was not dissimilar from so many other young black men raised without a father.  His mother, Gloria Darden, was a heroin addict and illiterate (to be clear, the vast majority of single moms are not drug users), the family moved repeatedly, always living in rundown apartments, he, his twin sister and his older sister suffered lead poisoning, in school, he read four grades levels behind, he had frequent run-ins with the law, and his father was absent.  I'm not demonizing him. In truth, my heart actually aches in knowing that there are so many children whose lives are already on track to becoming another tragic statistic, due in no small measure to absentee fathers. However, I also believe that despite these circumstances, adults must take responsibility for their own lives

Gray's story is similar to Michael Brown's from Ferguson, Mo.  Brown was born to teen parents, raised by a single mother (although she married her partner last year), he was raised in poverty, struggled to graduate from high school and on at least one occasion he was involved in criminal activity (juvenile records are sealed in the state of Missouri).

Yes, black lives matter.  And yes, black people care about crime. People living in crime-infested neighborhoods care a lot about crime. They're the ones most at risk of becoming victims of it.  The single mothers like Toya Graham, experiences the daily threat of shootings, rapes, break-ins and gang initiations. The brutal irony is that most of the institutions and individuals claiming to work on their behalf, will not address the root cause of many of the problems plaguing these communities. I guess it's not sexy enough, and just too darn politically incorrect.

But they will respond when a black life is lost at the hands of police. They pledge to save our children...from police. They hold press conferences to tell us how blacks are under assault by law enforcement. They organize and participate in massive protests to protect our communities....from police. Some even insist that rioting is justified, after all, they ask, how else will we get America to pay attention to police brutality against blacks? Yesterday at Lehman College, President Obama said "In too many places in this country black boys, and black men, Latino boys, Latino men they experience being treated differently by law enforcement in stops and in arrests and in charges and in incarcerations." He has also formed a presidential panel on policing and has asked Congress for over a quarter billion dollars to fund the committee's recommendations to improve police relations in minority communities among other things.

Fair policing is central to a stable society. And as a society we must work to ensure that all citizens are served, not disserved by police. This is a real issue and most certainly needs to be addressed. But this is not the most pressing issue facing hundreds of communities like Baltimore's Sandtown-Winchester. Again, it's out-of-wedlock births and absentee fathers!  The research is everywhere showing clear correlations between juvenile violence and absentee fathers. Personal experiences of anger, violent behavior and deep resentment stemming from a father's abandonment and rejection have been shared over and over again.  Psychologists and government agencies such as Health and Human Services and the Department of Justice  research details it and countless educators, counselors, ministers, and just plain folk know what's driving this crisis.

It's time to stop ignoring the biggest issue threatening the well-being of black Americans.  Can you imagine what would happen if leaders, community activists and organizers, celebrities, politicians, academics and the President were committed to educating and supporting men so they would understand what abandonment does and why it must end?  What if there was a presidential panel established to develop strategies to utilize the many agencies that are already servicing many of these communities to promote two-parent households? Or campaigns that would push the message that 'dads make families and communities better' (brought to you by the Partnership for Better Families)?  We've taken these steps before for everything from seat belt safety, AIDS awareness, preventing forest fires and exercising.

Facing this issue head-on is the kind of love that would really show that "black lives matter." Otherwise, it's just a slogan.

*Do not look at the links below if you want to continue to believe that police are the biggest threat to black safety. (Source: RedEye)

Chicago 2013
Chicago 2014
Chicago 2015